The Major Difference Between Happy and Unhappy People
Most of us know that resilience determines your emotional health. That is, the major difference between happy and unhappy people often comes down to how they deal with inevitable challenges and bounce back.
There’s an accompanying factor that is equally (if not even more) important, and which is counterintuitive: putting lots of work into your emotional fitness when you least feel like it.
Emotional fitness is a foundation of strength, skills, and energy necessary to meet goals, heal pain, and experience joy. Everyone experiences disappointment and loss. Emotionally fit people acknowledge the accompanying negative feelings and let them go more easily.
Happiness is our natural state. Only a few people are gifted enough or have trained themselves to be aware of that natural state. For most people, awareness is the result of practice.
If you’re thinking that you’re not naturally gifted with this trait, welcome to the club. It’s true! I’m not naturally glowy and happy. I’ve had to go through intense personal development to create this practice.
Whenever people don’t get what they want, it most often means they have an extreme focus on a disempowering perspective is blinding them to alternative possibilities. People trapped by this limited thinking feel victimized – like they’re powerless to create change because they perceive that circumstances dictate it for them.
Emotional fitness is essential because when emotionally fit people bottom out, a natural healing mechanism kicks in and they realize that they have the power to improve their life.
In the wellness space, there is a lot written about following our intuition. If we tap into our intuition, we will create an empowered, soulful life — right? Well, sometimes. Intuition is a tricky, and sometimes deceptive, part of us.
It can make you think something is true when it isn’t. When your feelings are hurt by someone, for example, your intuition may guide you to lash out blindly when this will cause harm and do even more damage.
Think about the importance of challenging your instincts, like exercise. Committing to an exercise program is easy when you’re feeling energetic and inspired. But what really matters is what you do when you are not feeling high on life, when the last thing you want is to go to the gym.
Emotional fitness is also a practice. When all is well, the last thing you want to do is happiness work.
Particularly for those in the first throes of such freedom and joy, a conscious practice of emotional fitness may seem unnecessary. Yet such deposits in the happiness account are vital. When you’ve stored up transformative tools, you can recover more quickly from hurt and distress than when you’re running on empty.
1. Identify what you’re really feeling. Are you really feeling rejected or are you feeling a sense of separation from someone you love? Are you feeling lonely or are you feeling disconnected from people? As you identify what you’re really feeling, you lower the intensity and make it easier to learn from the emotion.
2. Get curious. When you’re curious, you immediately interrupt the emotional pattern, learn to solve the challenge, and prepare yourself for such a feeling in the future. Ask yourself: What do I really want to feel? What would I have to believe in order to feel the way I’ve been feeling? What am I willing to do to feel the way I really want to feel? What can I learn from this?
3. Get confident. Remember a time when you felt a similar emotion and successfully handled it? What did you do with the emotion back then? Did you change what you were focusing on, the questions you asked yourself, your perceptions? Or did you take some kind of new action? Channel the confidence that you can get through this as you did before and you’ll develop glowing happiness.
—> We know these tips are simple, but sometimes simple things make a big impact. Will you join me? In the comments below, share what emotions you’re identifying today and how you’re reframing them for empowerment! We’d love to be your cheerleaders.
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